Freelance Finance

Are you outraged about the price of mobile phones? You should be. If you go over your allotted minutes, your carrier hits you with fees. If you stay substantially under your allotment, you’re wasting money. Yes, yes, I know some carriers offer carryover. But if you haven’t used those extra minutes this month, what makes you think you will use them next month? Do you enjoy giving large corporations interest-free loans?

Yes, I know mobile phones can be the most important tool in freelancer’s toolkit. But many freelancers have little use for them. If you’re one of these people—like me—you might be better off ditching your phone. After all, in a five-year period, a $70-dollar-a-month plan can cost you up to $5,600, when you factor in the exorbitant taxes, fees, new phones, batteries, and accessories. Ridiculous.

As long as I’ve been using mobile phones, I can never seem to find a plan that works well with my life- and work-style. Mire and I have switched carriers a number of times.

What I’ve learned along the way:

1. Know what kind of freelancer you are. Mobile phones make the most sense if you leave your home every morning, don’t come home until late at night, and are conducting business all day long on the road. If you’re a home-based freelancer, you can easily funnel all personal and work calls to a landline on your desk, minimizing the importance of cell phones in your life.

2. Replace your contract with a pay-as-you-go plan. If you’re a home-bound freelancer, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a cell phone. Just get a cheap one. I like Virgin Mobile, but that’s just me. There are a number of superior pay-as-you-go providers out there.

3. Take your pay-as-you-go phone with you when you leave home—but keep it switched off. Disagree if you wish, but I feel strongly that most cell phone calls are a waste of time. Fifteen years ago, no one used these devices and we all got along fine. Yes, many us wished we could communicate with friends, family and the authorities in emergencies, but those situations are thankfully rare. Some of us, even then, were on-the-road businesspeople and craved a more elegant way to contact clients, customers, and the home office. Be honest: When we the last time you used your cell to summon the police, an ambulance or even the auto club? At the same time, how many times have you made or received a call whose entire subtext was, “I’m waiting on line at the bank, I’m bored, so I’m calling you”? Such calls trivialize human communication. So: Get the cheap-ass phone, stick it in your pocket when you leave the house, keep it switched off, and use it only when you need to make important calls. Unless you sell encyclopedias door-to-door, or are accident-prone, you will probably never need to turn that phone on.

4. Never give the cell phone number out to clients. When you’re out running errands, focus on your errand and enjoy the hell out of it. Let the needy clients call your home phone and leave a voicemail. Nothing is ever that urgent anyway. If you’re waiting for an important call, why are you leaving the house? If it’s that important and you simply must run an errand, forward the home phone to the cell.

5. Never print the mobile phone number on your business card. Again, you want your home voicemail to be your central collection point for all business calls. This will simply your life immeasurably, Never again will you scramble to jot important business notes while in the pickle aisle at the supermarket.

6. Don’t talk on the phone while you’re driving—especially if you’re in my town. Really. I mean this. If I see you driving like an idiot while chatting, I will force your car to a stop and slap that gizmo out of your moronic little hands. You are endangering us all—and making me crazy, to boot.

7. Stick with the same damn phone. Your costs go up the more you switch phones. Buy the cheapest that does the job you want it to do, and run it into the ground. When it dies, as it inevitably must, buy the same or a very similar model. Why? Because then you won’t have to ditch and re-buy all those accessories. In fact, you will save more if everyone in your family uses the same model. You’ll be able to mix-and-match batteries, chargers, belt clips. All this crap adds up and adds to your bottom line.

8. Avoid looking at ads for the iPhone. They will only make you crazy. This is the life you chose. Now be a man about it, and stick to your guns.

9. Tell everyone about your new cell phone system. Who knows? Maybe you will embolden them to buck the system. Mayhaps you will usher in a new age of tech-wise consumers! Inside scoop: The house of cards is close to collapsing anyway. Mobile phone engineers tell me that cell phone fees will soon drop as the industry switches to making money off teenagers downloading ringtones, videos and music. If you must have a contract phone with all the flashy features, wait till the idiots flip the paradigm.

10. Remember why you are a freelancer! This is why you left the corporate world: to get out from under the man. Don’t let him back in when you’re off playing hooky. If you’re going to use that phone, use it to reach out to loved ones. Make the whoopee. Go a little nuts, albeit unplugged.